How To Get a Relationship

June 2, 2019

We’ve been raised reading stories of perfect love.

But it usually ends «They lived happily ever after» – what that really means? What are couples dealing with after their perfect love becomes a long-time relationship? What does ti mean being in a perfect relationship? Does it even exist?

With those questions I turned to our readers and here are different opinions I’ve got:

A. Philtrate (The Teaching Escape Guy)

I used to think there were some lucky people who had perfect relationships, but I was younger then and only saw things in black and white. Some couples seemed totally happy and had perfect non-verbal communication and understanding of each other.

As I have become older and have learned about shades of grey, and with hindsight, I now realise that nobody had a perfect relationship at all. Outsiders only see half the picture; nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. The two perfect relationships I thought I knew both ended in divorce because one partner was physically abusive, never leaving a visible mark though.

A. Danny Garcia

Next year, my grandparents would be having their golden anniversary. They have 8 children and most of them have had professional careers.

However, their relationship is not perfect in the sense you may be asking. As a child, I used to have my vacation there and there were times when I’ve seen them argue. However, they argue civilly and logically. Both my grandparents were entrepreneurs and now they’ve retired. They lived a very productive life especially in difficult circumstances. Try living in a third world country with no tertiary education and you can see that it’s a minor miracle of sorts that my grandparents were able to send all of my aunts and uncles to good colleges. They worked hard with their emporium.

I don’t know their secret to a perfect relationship, but faith (they were very religious Catholics) played a very dominant role. They shared this faith and did their best to impart these to their children. They also lived frugal and humble lives – something that seems to have been lost in this current generation.

As the grandson, my perspective is very limited but that is the extent of what I know.

A. Kathe555 (Medicare Insurance Broker)

I am actually in a «perfect relationship» now. When my husband and I met, I really wasn’t interested in him except as a business contact. We started working on a project together and things moved on from there.

I think the most important part of a «perfect relationship» is remembering that we need to treat each other kindly and with respect no matter what kind of a day we are having. I have had bad days. So has my husband. What makes our relationship different is that I always try to put his feelings first, just like I would one of my girlfriends.

I’ll give you an example. I’m usually grumpy in the morning.   I don’t like waking up and getting out of bed. In the past, I always needed an hour or so before I really wanted to start talking to anyone. With my husband, I’m still grumpy in the morning.   He’s not.   He’s one of those people who get up singing and happy. He usually says something disgustingly sweet that makes me want to yell at him (think of the old cartoon cat named Garfield… that is me in the morning). I usually want to say something mean to him when he does that….

But I don’t. That’s how I show him that I love him. I hold my tongue. I let him be his silly self in the morning when I’d rather be left alone. And, if I said something mean to him it would hurt his feelings. And then I’d feel bad about it. I n a perfect relationship, I don’t always feel perfect, but I always keep my mate’s feelings on the top of my mind. And he keeps my feelings at the top of his too.

That my friends, is how to have a perfect relationship.

A. Deborah (Experiencing Relationship Perfection)

I have seen two types of «perfect» relationships.  One relationship that was described as perfect never had any fighting.  This isn’t a case where they just said that there was no fighting.  There literally was no fighting.  However, the relationship itself was devoid of vibrancy and there seemed to be a passive aggressive glue that held them together.  They traveled in a pair, but didn’t seem to truly be in love with each other.

The other relationship, my own, is what I would unashamedly call «perfect.»  The key is that perfect can have different meanings.  For me, and for my husband, we ensure that we stay connected and that we communicate, communicate, and communicate some more.  We realize that love for each other and accepting each other for who we are is more important than winning an argument or being «right.»

Having tried a marriage before this one, I also realize that when the relationship starts to drift, or when the importance of connecting with your significant other starts to wane, that is when it is the most important to re-connect.  Maybe that is the time to have that romantic dinner or weekend cruise.   Waiting until neither of you care whether the other one is around is waiting too long.

Realize that life is short, that love is a journey, and enjoy that walk with your favorite person in the world.  I’m going on two decades with mine and I wouldn’t trade a day.